Time for Reflection

I am beginning to notice that my evolution as a runner is similar to that of my spiritual life. Of course the two are tied deeply together, as they should be.

I am becoming more aware of the onion effect. As I move along the running trails of life, another layer of the onion peels away and a new skin is revealed. This skin is beautiful, shiny, and does not come to the surface without it's share of tears.

I am discovering that running, for me, is becoming less and less social, and more and more internal. Perhaps this has much to do with the distances that I am challenging myself with, perhaps I am just becoming a crotchety old lady...

I naturally crave the company of others, at times to a fault. I will choose to spend time with those I around me when I feel I could benefit more from spending time in the classroom of silence where the true-self is exposed.

I love running with others. I love the way that we can push one another, encourage one another, and inspire one another. This is a very important aspect to what we do. But I am discovering another layer which has begun to emerge. I need to be able to run alone. I need to become self-reliant and not look for validation from those around me. I need to truly reach my goals on my own, for my own reasons, and as a result of my own blood, sweat, and tears.

I love to glean information from others, especially those who have done that which I hope to do someday. However, in the end, it is just going to be me crossing that finish line. No one thing that any one else does will get my feet to move one after the other, in beautiful synchopy until the race is done. No one else will be able to pull the strength from the pit of my guts to press on when it is the last thing I want to do. There is only One who can do this with me; for me.

I must honor that blessing with the gift of my attention. Being ready and willing to listen to what He is trying to tell me, to teach me. And while I do believe that He works through others, sometimes, the best place to learn about what He wants us to know about ourselves, what He is calling us to, is in His classroom of silence.

As I look forward to more intense training for the upcoming fall season, my challenge will be to look inward instead of outward, yet not be afraid to ask for help if needed. I hope to realize my limitations, embrace them, and push myself through them. I intend to pray as though it all relies on God (which it does), yet work as though it only depends on me.

As a result, I may take this blog private. It has never been a place for me to boast or brag and I pray that it has not become that, but I have this nagging suspicion that perhaps the "validation card" which I need to learn to live without, may creep in through this forum. I may also decide to leave well enough alone and just post race reports from time to time.

Whatever may come, only He knows...

Pace? What's Pace?

I'll be trying to find my current pace tomorrow at RTW. Haven't run a hard 5K in quite sometime, so I am curious to see what I can do tomorrow.

Sending happy feet vibes to everyone running races this weekend, especially Adrienne in the Polish Pickle and Rick at Western States! Enjoy!

106 at 6

That was the heat index tonight as I readied myself for my first track workout in almost a year. Crazy. But I was happy to be going! Why? Because I noted that the humidity was at a mere 31%! That is unheard of around here, so though it was hot, it was a nice dry heat and I enjoyed the run.

I also ran last night in similar temps, but my bad attitude had the better of me and I never noticed how hot it was. I was too busy ruminating on the thoughts running through my mind. A fast run was exactly what I needed to reset my thinking.

I am trying to decide upon my fall race schedule. I am going to run just a few races this next year, so I'd like to pick some that will prove to be very memorable.

One that I would really like to be able to participate in is The Shadow of the Giants. It is only a 50K, but the beautiful scenery and the fact that my family could travel with me and enjoy a vacation at the same time makes the run very enticing.

I have been in recovery mode since my DNF at Rocky Hill. I feel good and I am ready to get into some consistent training. I've been pretty consistent with my cross-training (weights, ab work, cycling) which I've been doing in the garage. It is not very fancy, but it is perfect for what I am trying to accomplish.

I would really love to be able to feel comfortable in the pool. At this point, I do not have access to one, so that makes it a tad more challenging. I may look into the pools in the area to see what would best fit my schedule.

Looking forward to a summer full of healthy training!

Hell's Hills DNF Report

At the last minute, the decision was made to go ahead and make the trek back to Rocky Hill Ranch and try to take revenge on the newly dubbed, "Hell's Hills".

We decided to forgo a hotel and sleep at Buescher State Park. We figured we could throw the air mattress in the back of the Nerd Herder and grab a good night's sleep in the crisp cool air. Unfortunately, we did not think about the occurrence of mosquitoes. While it was quite comfortable temperature-wise, we did need to keep the windows down and this allowed the bugs in. They rather enjoyed buzzing in our ears most of the night. This went perfectly with the air mattress which refused to provide any real feeling of comfort. I ended up curling into the front seat and I was just about asleep, our neighbors decided it was time to PAR-TAY! Thanks. Zero sleep and still undecided upon which distance to run, either the 50K or the 50 miler.

At 4 am, I gave up, readied myself for the start line and headed over to Rocky Hill Ranch.

The 50 miler was slated to begin at 5:00 am. I was originally registered for it, but in my more sane moments, taking the heat into consideration and my lack of heat-training thanks to the wonderful cooler spring that we have enjoyed, I thought it would be best to drop down to the 50K, enjoy the day, and still have time left over to spend with Mark. I had fully intended to sign in and let Joe (the RD) know that I was going with the 50K distance instead.

As I was signed in, Joe said hello and as I went to mention that I was going to change my distance, we were interrupted by others signing in. Being half-asleep, and mostly insane, I just walked off and said to myself, Oh, well...

When I found Mark, he asked if I told Joe that I was going to change my distance, when I told him what happened, he just shook his head and then I heard "GO!" in classic Joe-style. Instead of just hanging back and letting him know my decision, I started running...dumb, I know, but it is what it is...

I began the first 16.7 mile loop feeling good, tired but good. I ran strong and probably went out too fast, though I tried to remind myself to conserve, conserve, conserve. I drank often and enough to stay well-hydrated. I also made sure to consume enough along the way as this race was mostly a water-only aid station race.

I came in at 3:25 on my first loop and told Mark that I anticipated coming in at about 4.5 hours the second loop, given the heat, fatigue, etc. It was already pretty warm and I was feeling very tired. The first 5 miles of the second loop felt like it was 10 miles long. The second 5 miles felt better. About 3 miles from the end of the second loop, I started to decline quickly. It was extremely hot, and it seemed as though I was spending a lot of time looking for shade to stay in, even in the woods. There were also extended periods of time out in the open field which, for me, was the worst part. I am not a "sun" person. I am very fair and burn easily, even with sunblock. This is probably why I enjoy trail running as much as I do as I do not enjoy doing runs in the direct sunlight. I know this is something I need to work on in my training and this race gave me the perfect opportunity to learn that lesson! The last 45 minutes or so of this loop I felt like there was no way I could do the loop again. I was exhausted, hot, dizzy, and beginning to see things.
As I came in from the second loop, I felt like I had been out for over 5 or 6 hours. As it turns out, I finished the second loop in 4 hours and 20 minutes. Not bad as far as time is concerned.
I was extremely over-heated and Mark informed me that I was sunburned. I tried cooling down with ice and water and even downed my Mexican Coke to see if I could regain some mojo. I set myself up to go out on the third loop and as I stood up to go, I felt very dizzy. I had no energy at all. I told Mark that I was not going to run the third loop. He agreed that I should stop. One lady even said to me...'Run smart." I've heard that phrase before, and thought I knew what it meant, but it's true meaning was yet to be comprehended by me. I walked to Joe (the RD) and told him that I was dropping. I told him I didn't have it in me to finish. He talked with me a bit and suggested that I try. I had 7.5 hours to finish the last loop and thought that I could finish it even if I walked the whole thing. I sat with that for a minute and then told Mark I was going to give it a go.
Stupid. I know. I can hear you say it. But in the end, I believe it was a good decision because I learned so much about who I am and what I am doing in the next hour.
As I headed out, the sun burning me even more, the fluids running dry quickly, I knew there was no way that I would be able to finish the final loop. I began to tell myself to just make it to the next aid station and then decide what to do next. About 2 miles into the loop, I was not able to run anymore. I couldn't lift my legs. The roots were beginning to transform into lizards. My left eye was going black, and I was talking to myself. My recently filled cold liquids were no longer cold. The ice was all melted, and my bandana that I had filled with ice and wrapped around my neck was completely dry...2 miles in. I thought about the fact that I might pass out and I wasn't sure anyone was behind me. I thought about laying out there until someone decided to look for me and I wasn't so sure that I would make it very long.
I stood in the woods and talked with a tree..."Should I go on or turn around?!" The tree refused to weigh in on the subject. I thought of my children and the fact that the next morning I was going to have to be ready to be mom again and if I was laying somewhere lost or in a hospital, or worse, because of a RUN?! Decision made. The "Run Smart" advice was taken to heart and with a whole new meaning. I turned around, walked back to the start line and am proud that I did.
I learned so much on this run. If I had had the sense to tell Joe that I wanted to drop down, I would have had a great 50K! Instead, I ran about 39 miles in 8 hours and experienced things that I can learn from that I might never have had the chance to learn any other time.
I did find out later that the temps went over 98 degrees. Final lesson learned...No long races in heat like that! At least not for awhile...