A 21 mile lesson

Each long run that I have taken part in has given me deeper insight into the inner-workings of my mind and soul.

Yesterday's run was no exception. On Friday morning, I was quite positive that I would be able to handle the 21 miles without any difficulty. I felt so great last weekend, there really wasn't any reason to think otherwise.

However, something happened to my state of mind at about 7 pm Friday night. I began to become filled with anxiety about the run. 21 miles is a long way! How could I possibly finish without being in immense discomfort afterwards? Did I really want to put myself through this?

I prepared my gear bag and laid out my clothes as I normally do and then made it a point to get to bed by 11. I would be waking at 4 am to allow myself the time I needed to eat, hydrate, and stretch.

I awoke at 3:45 before the alarm, a usual occurrence for me. I began my morning ritual and the anxiety hit again. I questioned even going. I re-thought everything. I knew I had to get out the door before I changed my mind. I re-packed my gear, grabbed the bag and headed out the door. When I arrived at our start location, more fear crept in. I was the only one there and began to think that I had made a mistake about the time and/or the location of the run. One call to Bill confirmed that I was in the right spot, and that others would be arriving shortly. Sure enough, Jon arrived and was ready to go. It was then that I realized I had forgotten my hat with my lamp. I guess I'm becoming ritualistic in some ways, because the idea of running without the hat was unfathomable. I then couldn't find my bag with extra Gu and my inhaler. There was no way I could do the run without that so I let Jon know that I would need to head back to the house to retrieve these items.

I returned home to find only my hat and lamp. Now the hunt was on for the Gu bag. I dumped out my gear bag and found it, right where I placed it of course, in a separate pocket of the bag. Now I knew that my nerves were getting the best of me.

On the drive back to our start location, I beat myself up for being so disorganized. Thankfully I was only a few minutes from home, what would have happened if this was Marathon Day? I had to quickly put these thoughts to bay because I really needed to focus on the day's run.

When I arrived, Bill was there and I asked him to hold onto my items. Thankfully he did and refueled me along the course. (Thanks, Bill!)

I ran back to the car to throw my jacket into the car and Jon and I left off for our run. I didn't realize that my phone and my mp3 player were still in the jacket until I began running and I didn't want to ask if we could go back to get it. I knew that this was all happening for a reason and that the real challenge this day was going to be my own mind.

When I first began with Woodlands Fit, I ran many runs by myself. I hated it. I thought it was unsafe and not very much fun. Slowly, I learned to enjoy the experience of running mostly alone figuring that the marathon would be a solo run anyway. I found that I was able to enjoy the runs more once I accepted this.

The day I pulled my groin, however, changed my mind again. I was in bad shape, by myself, and had to walk 2 miles to the end. There was no one else out there that I could call on to help me. I decided that no matter what, I would never run alone again.

Yesterday's run was well-planned. Jon and I would run together and Bill would be checking on us from time to time. When Jon told me to go ahead of him, two thoughts went through my mind. First, I didn't want to leave someone else out on the course alone. It just isn't safe. But I knew that Bill would be checking on us both, so I convinced myself that it would be ok.

Secondly, I didn't want to run alone. What if I hurt myself again? What if I became dizzy like I did in Kingwood? I thought perhaps I'd call Mark and see if he wanted to meet me somewhere and ride the bike alongside me. No phone. Then I thought, I'll have Bill call him next time I see him. I didn't see him till the finish. God had this perfectly planned. I didn't even have music to distract me! I started the negative thinking for about 2 minutes and then I let it go.

I assessed the situation. I felt great. I had plenty of fluids. I had plenty of Gu. It was a beautiful day. If something happened, I was close to my home so I could end my run there. I could even just sit on the side of the road and wait for Bill to come and get me.

Mind games. It's an ironic thing that I have to overcome my own brain since I am a brain-trainer! God has a very funny sense of humor, doesn't He?

I ran well. I continued to feel good. At about mile 16, I started my rosary. Mile 18, the Divine Mercy. Before I knew it I had one mile to go. I still felt good. I came up to Market street with 20.55 miles, so I tacked on a bit more to make it an even 21. My body was ready for it so I didn't want it to be anything less than that!

Seeing Bill, Denise, and the others at Luke's waiting for me made my whole day. What a blessing to have caring folks supporting me the whole way.

The greatest lesson of this run was learning to conquer my biggest fears. It was the hardest lesson I have had to date, but I had been well-prepared for it by all of my previous "lessons".

Another lesson of sorts I learned is that I have been very blessed. After my groin inury, I was out of active training for 8 weeks. There is no reason that I should be able to run this marathon. I have been so fortunate to have Coach Bill alongside me helping me to return after my injury. His faith in me has given me faith in myself.

I have met some wonderful people who have all helped me to continue training, not really knowing if I'd be able to run. Pete, Jon, Rick, Kim, Liz, Denise, just to name a few. I've been truly blessed with a wonderful family that supports me even when I'm being a pain in the hiney. For my friends that cheer me on in spirit and pray for me. This means more to me than you'll ever know.

I pray that each of you have a very Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year!